I finally discovered where they keep the Gay Men Of Bakersfield...
California Pizza Kitchen.
I was meeting a client for lunch, my first time at the Bako CPK. My gaydar had been offline for months, as useless as analog TV. But the minute I walked through the door, off it went. And sure enough, there they were. Three or 4, all servers. Granted, it wasn't much, but it was still 3 or 4 more than I'd seen since I moved here. It was like spotting a condor - a rare, elusive creature, near extinction, seldom seen in the wild.
Our server ended up being the best of the bunch, the cream of the crop. An out, proud, unashamed Nancy Boy. He minced. He pranced. He recited the ssspecials with more S's than he knew what to do with. It made me happy.
My people.
I know there are gay men here, but for the most part they appear deeply closeted. It's obvious by the postings on craigslist...."Girlfriend out of town......Wife and kids away for the weekend.....on my way home from choir practice....." There's no gay community to speak of here. No bars, or restaurants or coffeehouses to meet fellow travelers. As far as I can tell, the closest thing to a meeting place is one of the bike trails along the banks of the dead river, and I'm fairly certain no one is meeting their to talk.
In my previous life I would have nothing but disdain for gay men in the closet, the harm they ultimately do their wives and families, the lies they have to live. But living here now I find I have a little bit of sympathy for them, only because my partner and I have been shoved back in the closet ourselves. His employer and co-workers would be shocked to find out he was gay, and he's convinced it would definitely be an issue. So as far as they're concerned, he's straight and single. I'm never to meet them, I don't exist. I'm not even allowed to answer the house phone for fear it might be work related. It isn't as bad for me, since I work from home and have limited exposure to people I work with, but all the same I find I unconsciously flash my "wedding" band to deflect any speculation. We're both convinced the neighbors are afraid of us.
Oh the other hand, lesbians abound. They're evidently allowed to roam free. Maybe it's because they blend in so well with the oilfield workers - same truck, same flannel, same mullet. Maybe it's because they pose no threat to the menfolk of Bako (unless it comes to arm wrestling). For whatever reason, they seem to get a pass.
I envy them. I used to know what that was like.
