It took awhile, but the neighbors finally got with the program and festooned their houses for the holidays. I wish I could say I was surprised at how monotonously the same they all are, but then again if anyone had any personal stye they certainly wouldn't be living here. The "theme" this year is apparently "laziness". Seriously, if you're going to go to the expense of buying all this crap for your front yard, the least you could do is PLUG IT IN. But no, these people can't be bothered to run out an extension cord. So yard after yard is populated with those cheesy wire-frame snowmen and reindeer, covered in twinkly white lights that are never turned on. What's the point? Might as well just dump a pile of wire coat hangers on the lawn and call it a day. The most unfortunate part, at least with the reindeer, is that the unused plug dangles approximately where the genitals would fall.
And the inflatables aren't much better. For the first day or two they were gleefully pumped up and turned on at dusk. But now? Meh. Over it. So they blanket the lawns like abandoned parachutes. The whole neighborhood looks like they just did an emergency food drop. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a bunch of limp vinyl.
And then there's Jim. He's proven to be something of a disappointment. He started strong but then quickly faded. The Parisian theme went nowhere. And for days the only additions were "lollipops" - those small security company lawn signs, wrapped in cellophane. You could still read the company names - ADT, Brinks, Homeguard. Either Jim has a LOT of security, or he's been raiding the neighbor's lawns. But then he made one addition that was so awesome, so stupendous, it almost made up for the weak showing so far:
Circuit Party Santa.
Life size, "life-like", it looks demonic. With rubbery skin only an embalmer could love. His eyes are completely dilated like he's popped a couple of hits of X. Mechanically he twists, slowly back and forth, waving maniacally at nothing in particular. Currently he's on the roof and looks like a go-go boy.
God it reminds me of my club days.
Good times.
