Bako Book Club

I'm slammed with work today and not able to put up a proper post, so in the meantime I'll just share some selections from my personal library. They make great stocking stuffers!

Closing The Books

The post yesterday got me to thinking of all the things about my old life that I missed. The list is long and depressing and not worth posting, but there was one thing that stood out as a particular loss, to me at any rate...

Bookstores.

I have a huge library of art and design books that I've amassed over the past twenty years. I could happily spend hours shuffling through the stacks at Hennessey + Ingalls or Book Soup. Or any number of the great museum or gallery stores.

That's not really an option here.

Bakersfield isn't exactly what you would call a "book town".

As far as I knew, there were only really two choices, Borders and Barnes & Noble. Scratch that, one choice - the Borders closed a couple of months ago before I ever found it, a victim of corporate bankruptcy. I first discovered the Barnes & Noble when a client suggested we meet there for coffee. Only in Bakersfield would a Barnes & Noble be thought of first as just a really big Starbucks.

I have to say, I was impressed. The store was huge, and after my brief meeting I decided to stick around and check out the selection. I asked a clerk where I might find the art books. She shot me a look as if I'd just asked her where they kept the pornography. I suppose I could see her point; with fine art and photography books, you always run the risk of turning a page and being confronted by a wayward breast or worse. She pointed me to the back wall, and there it was... the "art/design/architecture/photography/fashion" section, all contained on one three foot wide bookshelf. An awful lot of the shelf space was actually dedicated to scrapbooking, which I wasn't aware had been elevated to a fine art. I left the store dejected.

And then awhile back I heard about an independent bookstore, the "best in Bakersfield" I was told. It turned out it wasn't far from the house, so one day when I found myself with time on my hands (a common occurrence) I decided to go check it out.

Oy vey.

The entire front third of the store was devoted to Wingnut Welfare, all the greatest hits from Sarah Palin, George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter and on and on. All displayed on tables with more American flags than the Washington Monument. I quickly rushed past all that, being careful not to touch anything, to the back of the store where I assumed, from prior experience, they kept the degenerate books.

But the back third of the store was devoted to a slightly different genre of publications... Evangelical Christian comic books!

I had never seen anything like it and, quite frankly, never knew such a thing existed. I guess it's for people who find the actual Bible too confusing and hard to follow. It was odd, to say the least, to see familiar Bible scenes rendered as manga and Jesus pumped up like a Marvel superhero. Judging from the covers he's evidently developed quite a few new superpowers since I went through Confirmation classes.

I turned tail to leave, never bothering to discover what was sandwiched between the Republicans and SuperJesus. Just for fun I thought of maybe asking the clerk where their "gay sexuality" section was, but then I thought better of it and ran.

I saw on the news not long ago that the store had had to downsize. I'm guessing they just eliminated the non-Rightwing middle section of the store.

At the end of the day, I suppose it's not much use lamenting the loss of bookstores. This may be one instance where Bakersfield is actually ahead of the trend. I fear even the big city bookstores are no match for our new Amazonian e-book overlords. They say 25% of book sales are now for e-books and by the end of the decade many publishers may forego the hassle and expense of producing actual, physical books at all. I find that extremely sad. While there's really no substitution for viewing real art in person, running your hands over an oversized glossy print in a book wasn't half bad. Viewing it at 72dpi on a smartphone seems to me quite a loss and not much of a future.

Book Of The Month Club

Just returned from the pharmacy and couldn't help but notice they'd freshened the book selection in the display near the checkout, the one right next to the Faith Hill perfume collection.

First up was "Prayers to Rout Demons". I guess they thought the title might be too subtle, so they drove home the point by making the "T" in "Rout" a ginormous crucifix.

Below it was "The Strategies of Satan: How To Detect And Deflect Them". Either Satan has seriously scaled back his ambitions, or he's really streamlined his methods, because it's a very thin book. I'm surprised it wasn't "strategeries", this being Bush country and all.

And then to lighten the mood, there was "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes". Because everyone knows Moses was considered the Shecky Greene of the the Old Testament.

"So a horse walks into an Ark..."

Reading Is Fundamental

I was in the pharmacy, trying to pick up a prescription, hopelessly stuck in line behind a woman baffled by the checkout process.

You know, the usual.

And then I noticed a nearby display of books labeled "Bakersfield's Bestsellers".

So people here can read. Oops, I mean "do" read. Freudian slip.

The "bestsellers" on display offered an interesting glimpse into the Bako psyche.

Number 1 was "Socially Smart in 60 Seconds". Honey, listen, I've been here long enough to know 60 DAYS would be wildly optimistic, but have at it.

Number 2 was "30 Days To Taming Your Tongue". I find this curious because no one here cusses. The worst I've heard is "sweet mother of pearl" and "shut the front door". I, on the other hand, drop F-bombs right and left, which is why I've found it best not to talk when I'm out in public. Still, there must be a market for it. Maybe a pack of smack-talking malcontents I've yet to run across. I'll have to keep an eye out for them - I'd probably fit right in.

Number 3 was "Setting Boundaries For Adult Children", which makes sense if books number 1 and 2 didn't work. No one wants a bunch of ill-mannered, potty-mouthed adult children running around without boundaries.

Number 4 was 'Against All Odds: My Story by Chuck Norris". Because, really, you can't get enough valuable life lessons from "Walker, Texas Ranger".

Number 5 was "The Big Book of Church Jokes". I think this one's a trap. A test of faith. Buy this book and you'll be branded a heretic and reported to the authorities and find an angry mob at your door ready to run you out of town on a rail.

And number 6 was "Sanity Secrets for Stressed Out Women". You want to know a sanity secret? Move the hell out of Bakersfield! All the same, maybe I'll have to give this one a look.