Some things never change - I hate mowing the lawn just as much as I did when I was twelve.
I've never regretted not having kids, but in situations like this I can see the utility of having a surly adolescent hanging around the house to take care of things.
I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if there was actual "lawn" to mow. This house sat vacant for so long that right now the "weed to lawn" ratio is probably about 80/20. I don't really have enough yard expertise to even know where to begin.
And then last week I saw a TV spot for RoundUp. Now, I'd heard of RoundUp before. My understanding is it's the most toxic substance you can legally buy over the counter. But the ad was for something new...
"RoundUp X-TREME"
It's like napalm.
That might work. And it comes in the patented "Pump 'N Go® Sprayer". That sounded fun.
So I bought some.
Over the weekend I finally attacked the weeds. I started on the side of the house, facing the side street. I was minding my own business, merrily pumpin' and goin', spraying liquid death on everything and anything.
And then suddenly behind me I heard a growl.
I turned around to see a pack of the chihuahuas from next door. Someone must have let them out, I thought, but after a few moments, nobody appeared to round them up. They must have escaped. I took a step toward them, but they scattered like flies. As soon as I turned my back, they reconvened, only now instead of only one of them growling, they all were. Growling and vibrating like only chihuahuas do.
I chose to ignore them and go back to work, and after a few moments the growling stopped. I didn't turn around and assumed they'd gone back from where they came. But several minutes later I caught something out of the corner of my eye and spun around. And there were all the chihuahuas, happily rolling back and forth through a patch of weeds I had dosed especially hard.
Now I have to admit, for a split second my first thought was "It looks like I inadvertently solved the chihuahua problem".
But I'm not that heartless, and I do love dogs, even though chihuahuas barely qualify. So I quickly shooed them away and they appeared to run home.
But then I had a dilemma. Should I go over and tell them what just happened, so they could be proactive and maybe wash the dogs? Or was I over reacting? If I went over there and told them and then it ends up nothing happened, would it just create more unnecessary bad blood? Or, if I told them and something bad did happen to the dogs, would I just put a huge old target on my back?
So I did the right thing.
Nothing.
I figured if I heard anguished screams from next door, I'd know what happened. And I didn't.
Which didn't bode well for the weeds. If RoundUp X-TREME can't take out a chihuahua, it wouldn't be any match for my weeds. Most of them were bigger than the chihuahuas.
But this morning I went out to check on the lawn, and damned if all the weeds aren't burned dead to a crisp.
And come to think of it, I haven't heard the chihuahuas in awhile...
