So it's out with the old, in with the new, and that goes for the neighbors as well.
Since we're only moving a couple of blocks it isn't so much a wholesale change as it is a slight reshuffling of the deck. There will be some losses of course. Cindy moved out weeks ago. And I never really got to know the new gangbangers across the street so I can't say I'll miss them. And talk about a "win/win" situation - we'll finally be rid of the despicable Mary. I just may fire up a carton of smokes on the back patio before we move for good.
Some of the new neighbors you've already met. There's Jim of course, the Exterior Decorator. Just this morning he was removing his spartan Christmas decor and was replacing it with this...
A giant grasshopper.
Daylight photos really don't do it justice. It was glowing with green lights in the pre-dawn darkness, which seems to be when Jim does most of his work. I have no idea what the significance is, and to be honest, I don't want to know.
And then there's Deena and Roz. I can actually see their condo from our driveway. We were out in the front yard, trimming the massive overgrowth when Deena walked by with her vicious dogs and gave us a hearty "thumbs up". I guess there are no hard feeling for the unfortunate leash incident.
And then there's The Old Man Who Washes His Car. You Know him previously as The Old Man Who Hates France. Every morning he washes his car, the Acura with the "Boycott France" bumper stickers. At 8:45 every morning, he rolls it out into the driveway and washes it. Every damn day. I've never seen him actually drive it, so as far as I know it only ever travels the 20 feet out and back into the garage. That car is so clean you could perform surgery on it.
And finally there are the brand spankin' new neighbors. Let's meet them, shall we?
We have Barbara, a no nonsense sort in grey business suits and a mid-70's beehive up-doo. She met the boyfriend while I hid in the background, so I didn't get much info on her. She looks like middle school principal.
And then there's Margaret, the crazed Korean. Who coincidentally looks just like Margaret Cho. I had just pulled up in a pouring rain and Margaret decided that was the perfect time to introduce herself. She came running up to the car in the downpour and started talking a mile a minute. I couldn't make out half of it. Something about four grown children was about all I was clear on. That, and that she works for a local gym. Front office, obviously, because Margaret is a little on the husky side. I don't know if she's really crazed or manic, or if it was just the rain, but we'll have to keep an eye on her.
A few doors down we have hoarders. Don't know their names or have ever met them, but the blinds on their front windows are open showing rooms stacked to the ceiling with boxes and wash baskets full of lord knows what.
And finally, there's Jason.
Jason is going to be a problem. I can tell already.
He and his family are our immediate neighbors. We have a corner lot, and Jason's side yard backs up to our back fence. Their house was already on my radar long before we bought the house. They're on one of my dog routes and the first thing you notice about the house is how neat and immaculate it is. The second thing you notice is the bumper stickers on the trucks parked out front. They're evenly divided between Jesus and guns, including the ever popular "prying-my-gun-from-my-cold-dead-hands".
So there you have it... we now live next to Gun Totin' Bible Thumpers.
Actually, it's worse.
Gun Totin' Bible Thumpers... with Chihuahuas. A lot of 'em. I've counted 5, but they move so fast I think there are probably more. Jason has turned his side yard into a dog run and the Chihuahuas run wild 24/7. I think they may breed them because I've seen no human interaction with the dogs. They're left out there in the cold and rain and they appear to be less family pets and more a cash crop. And they bark. Constantly. The second you step foot in our backyard they go off like a car alarm. The boyfriend says he'll have a little talk with them once we move in, but all I can say is he better have his affairs in order. Because I don't think Jason is going to take kindly to that. Jason scares me.
He showed up with his youngest son at the door the other day while I was there painting. He looks to be early 40's, maybe ex-military. His son had accidentally thrown his football into our yard and he was asking if they could retrieve it. He was very meek and mild and unassuming. And that's what scares me. Because I've seen him go off on his kids while I was walking the dogs. Red faced, vein bulging screaming about the trash or the lawn or any number of things. In fact I didn't even recognize him when he showed up at the door because I've only ever seen him in a volcanic rage. But now here he was, almost mousy. I think he keeps a lid on his simmering anger, but every so often something just SETS HIM OFF!
So I can only imagine what's going to happen when the Jesus freak next door gets a visit from his new gay neighbor complaining about the dogs.
I'm beginning to think Mary might not have been so bad after all...
