It was a beautiful morning as I set out to walk the dogs. It was unusually warm and the tail end of a passing storm had filled the sky with billowing clouds lit pink by the rising sun. We rounded a corner and that's when I met some of our new neighbors, Kathy and Bob.
They looked to be in their mid to late 50's. Kathy was headed to work and Bob had come out to see her off. When she spotted my little dog she fell in love and started gushing over her. Ever the attention whore, my little dog ran over and ran through her whole "cute" routine. We exchanged introductions and engaged in dog small talk, or small dog talk, if you prefer. They have two dogs, Charley and Gus, both of who could be seen looking on from the living room window. They asked if I was new to the neighborhood, since they evidently knew all the neighborhood dogs. I said I was and we chatted about the that for a bit. Finally Kathy said she simply had to leave. What a charming couple, I thought.
And then Kathy hit the remote for the garage door.
As the door slowly rolled up it exposed an older Cadillac completely plastered in Right Wing bumper stickers.
"RUSH!"
"Glenn Beck Nation"
"Live Free And Die"
"SOCIALISM!" with the Obama "O"
And the ever popular "prying guns from cold dead hands".
They completely covered the bumper and back of the trunk and we're creeping about halfway up the back windshield.
The closer I looked, I realized it was a Time Machine...
"McCain/Palin"
"W'04"
"Bush/Cheney"
"Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Bush"
"Bush/Quayle"
Dear Lord, they should really trade that thing in; it must have 500,000 miles on it. Or maybe not. It's Bakersfield after all, and it isn't far between any two points. It's probably only a mile or two to Republican Headquarters, or the local militia, where Kathy undoubtably worked.
The dogs and I scurried along as Bob planted a peck on her cheek. A few moment later, Kathy passed us in the Wingnut Mobile, waving maniacally. How she can see out the back is beyond me.
I always wonder what these people would think if they discovered they not only have a bleeding heart liberal in the neighborhood, but a gay one to boot. I guess we'll never know because I'm not about to spill the beans. Even though a life lived in Bakersfield is barely worth living, it isn't worth dying for either.
