I'd hoped, I'd dreamed of one day actually meeting Roz. But never in a million years would I picture it happening the way it did yesterday afternoon.
I was taking the dogs out for a mid-day walk, a special new treat they get now that daddy is unemployed. We were walking past Roz's condo when suddenly her lesbian roommate/lover/whatever rounded the corner with her two nasty dogs. She didn't see us, but her dogs sure did, and in a flash they launched themselves into attack mode. As the dogs quickly reached the end of their leashes they jerked the poor lesbian so hard she actually went airborne. She landed with a thud and a wail on a small patch of grass, dropping the leashes.
My dogs were frozen in fear and I now had two vicious dogs headed at me like missiles. For a split second I thought I just might have to kill her dogs, try and kick them in the head to protect my own. But as fate would have it, as they passed a truck both leashes lodged under the back tire and snapped them to a halt about a foot from us. Just like in a cartoon.
So I have a lesbian down, screaming like a banshee, clutching her knee. And two rabid dogs snapping at us like crocodiles, inches from my littlest dog.
And then from behind I heard a shriek...
"DEENA!!!!!!!"
I turned to see Roz running out of her garage, dressed in a low cut leopard halter top and mom jeans. And heels.
She ran past the rabid dogs to her "friend", Deena, to see if she was OK, and once it was determined that she hadn't broken anything Roz said "Let me get the dogs inside..."
I wasn't sure Roz was equipped to handle the two snarling monsters, not in those heels. But the strangest thing happened. As soon as Roz picked up the leashes the dogs became docile, like someone had hit the "off" switch. She quietly trotted them back into the house.
Roz has such a way with animals.
And animal prints.
She's like St. Francis.
She came back out and I started to apologize. Why, I don't know - I wasn't the one with the attack dogs. But Roz was quite sweet and said, no, it was her dogs fault. We both walked over to Deena who was still down on the ground. She'd calmed down a bit but was still clutching her knee. I offered to help her up and she declined, but after a moment offered up her hand. I helped her to her feet and she dusted herself off.
It was then that Roz extended her hand and introduced herself. I returned the favor and then turned and extended my hand to Deena to do likewise but she ignored it and just grunted "Deena".
And that was that. We're now friends! Well, actually, I don't think I'd go that far. But still.
At any rate, the whole situation was bizarre beyond belief. And with everything that had just occurred, as we walked back home, there was one question I just couldn't get out of my mind...
"Deena"?
Really?
Such a dainty name for such a large woman.
