I learned long ago that while the boyfriend is amazing at so many things, he isn't to be trusted with selecting an evening's entertainment.
Mostly this pertains to the movies we watch, but not always. Just a few weeks ago, without any hint of irony, he mentioned that his former employer was offering free tickets to the Monster Truck Rally, if I was so inclined. I was not.
But it's with the movies where he really sucks.
The final straw, the low-point in an already disastrous record came a couple of years ago when he was dispatched to the video store to pick up "Dreamgirls" and came back with "The Host", a slapstick, Korean monster movie. Featuring Kang-ho Song as Park Gang-Doo. I'm sure you've heard of it. It was so unbelievably bad, we couldn't stop watching it. Which normally wouldn't be so bad except the film was like four hours long. In Korean. With subtitles. "But on the box it says it's like 'Jaws'" he protested. Yes. On the box, someone you've never heard of from a website you've never heard of compared the film to "Jaws", probably in a sarcastic way. And that was enough to lure in the boyfriend. Ever since then, he's been banned from picking movies.
Until this weekend.
He was really only back here for one night. He arrived so late on Friday we went to bed shortly after the awful local news. And he had to leave again yesterday afternoon, which left Saturday as our only real day together. He cooked an amazing dinner, as always, and as I was cleaning up I uttered the fateful words...
"Honey, why don't you find something for us to watch?"
As the phrase left my lips, I regretted it. It didn't take long before I realized just how much I would come to regret it. Becasue the film he quickly found for us was...
"Rubber"
"An old tire appears in a California desert, and under its own power it begins rolling down the road, stopping and starting as it pleases. The notion that the tire can operate under its own power isn't half as remarkable as its other talent -- the tire has telekinetic abilities and can make things explode at will, including human heads. The evil tire goes on a killing spree after its affections for a beautiful woman (Roxane Mesquida) are thwarted, and local lawman Lt. Chad (Stephen Spinella) steps forward to investigate. Meanwhile, a handful of people aware of the tire and its actions are watching it from a safe distance until they're poisoned by a mysterious villain; one of them (Wings Hauser) manages to survive, and is looking for some revenge of his own."
It was French.
I tried to change his mind, but no such luck. I wanted to be with him, so I gave it the old college try, but when half the cast was killed by a poisoned turkey carcass about an hour in, I turned to him and said "I'm going back to work... let me know how it turns out." Not that I cared. Sixty minutes of my life I'll never get back.
About 30 minutes later, when one of the female cast members tried to seduce the tire, he threw in the towel too.
And then we went to bed.
Date Night in Bako.
