There's trouble brewin' in the neighborhood, bad blood between two of our wackier, some would say scarier, neighbors and yesterday it boiled over in an ugly way.
In one corner, we have Jim, eccentric, alcoholic ex-con and probable grand theft accomplice. In the other, we have Roz, Bakersfield's answer to Angelyne. Roz was once a staple on this blog, but over the past year she's been rather elusive. Like Sasquatch.
They both live in the condo complex across the street and their duplexes back up on one another, which would seem to be the source of the troubles.
It was around noon yesterday when I heard a commotion outside, yelling and screaming coming from the general direction of Jim's house. I looked out my office window but the view was blocked by some shrubs. I could, however, see a squad car parked not far away.
Being the concerned, some might say nosy, neighbor that I am, I went out front to see what was going on.
The Rozmobile was parked askew at the curb in front of Jim's. The driver's door was flung open and Roz was standing on the sidewalk in a poly-blend giraffe print pantsuit, screaming at Jim. Jim was in his front courtyard, behind the wrought iron gate, gripping the bars like a prison inmate, which I'm sure comes naturally to him. He was screaming back at her. What they were screaming, I couldn't make out. I think they were both drunk. Did I mention it was noon? About 30 feet down the sidewalk, a lone police officer stood, arms crossed, doing nothing. Perhaps he was waiting for back-up, perhaps he was just letting nature take it's course. Whatever the reason, he wasn't getting involved.
Just then, Roz's roommate/lover/whatever Deena came charging down the garden path, both barrels blazing. She joined in the fray, screaming at Jim that he was a drug addict with outstanding warrants (both charges more likely than not true), and he fired back calling her an alcoholic carpet muncher (again, ditto).
Just as things seemed about to escalate out of control, another squad car came screeching to a halt right behind the Rozmobile and a burly cop leapt out. Showing remarkable restraint for the BPD, he didn't shoot anyone. He quickly got the situation under control, sending Deena skulking off from whence she came and taking statements from both Roz and Jim. Within a few minutes it was all over... for today. I don't think for a second that this is the end of it.
For me, the most shocking thing wasn't the fight. It was Roz, or more specifically, her car.
The last time I'd seen either one was back in August, when I noted she had traded in the old Vette for a new one and what an ungodly shade of brown it was. Well, in the intervening months, she's given it an Extreme Makeover and it turns out the brown color was only the base because the car now sports an intricate, hand-painted leopard pattern.
A leopard print Corvette... there's something you don't see every day, and trust me, you don't want to.
Well, it should make her easier to track. And with the ongoing feud, that's going to come in handy in the coming months.
