Last night was the annual Bakersfield Christmas Parade. It's a big deal and televised live.
For two hours.
It got off to a little bit of a rocky start. During the "pre-show", during the 5 o'clock news, they went out to a live remote with the weatherman. He was sitting curbside with a bunch of 4 and 5 year-olds. After a little light banter, he turned to the kids, and for no apparent reason said "You know kids, a lot of people say Santa doesn't exist."
You could see the kid's faces melt into horror and the weathermen seemed to sense he'd fucked up and cut away to a weather map. When they returned, the kids were all gone, sobbing into their mothers' arms no doubt.
But on to the show. Our hosts for the evening, Todd Karli and Jackie Parks, the evening news anchors. They're married. You know, one of the other pairs of local anchors is married too. I've never seen that before. Seems like it would be fraught with risk. But I suppose that's one way to keep the good ones from fleeing to a bigger market. Still, let's just hope and pray things are cool on the home front.
Generalissimo Harvey Hall, Mayor-For-Life, Supreme Ruler of All That Is Bako. Don't fuck with him or you'll be disappeared.
Mrs. Claus, sponsored by the local cemetery. Probably not the best choice, especially considering Mrs. Claus had on so much pancake make-up she looked like a corpse.
Marching Patriots. Are there any other kind?
What to say...
... I have no words...
The Department of Redundancy Department called, they want their sign back.
Oy vey.
It's a three-fer.... Miss Bakersfield, Mrs. Bakersfield and Miss Teen Bakersfield. No word on if they're related.
Christian bikers. Bakersfield in a nutshell.
And then the Sikhs. There are a LOT of Sikhs here. Why they settled here is an eternal mystery. That can't set too well with the Evangelicals.
And... the Sikhs won an award. Actually, every float won an award. It's like the Special Olympics that way.
At any rate, that was the first 30 minutes. We lost interest at that point and switched to "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". But not to worry, I'm sure they'll re-run it ad infinitum.
I know I'm in the Christmas spirit now.
