Surprisingly, I picked up a local job the other day.
I say surprisingly because I first met the client two years ago, shortly after we moved here. It was a cold call and she graciously agreed to meet with me. We really seemed to hit it off, the meeting lasting over an hour. She said she had a multitude of upcoming projects and couldn't wait to work together and she'd be in touch. Which, this being Bako, never happened.
A few months later, she emailed me and asked if I was available for some upcoming work. I said "of course" and once again, she said she'd be in touch. Again, nothing.
And so it's been for over two years, the "Dance of the Seven Veils", every few months a call or email teasing me with work that never materializes. Actually, it's more like a lap dance. And there's never a "happy ending".
Until now.
When her email arrived right before Thanksgiving I almost just hit delete, tired of the rinse and repeat futility of dealing with her. Then again, I don't have the luxury of turning down nonexistent work, so I replied. And lo and behold, this time it was an actual job!
"So what is it?" I asked.
"I'd love to tell you, but first you need to sign a CONFIDENTIALLY AGREEMENT."
Firstly... are you fucking kidding me? Confidentiality? In Bakersfield? This is the largest assortment of snitches and gossips I've ever seen, and I know a thing or two about gossip - I'm gay. I thought the queens of West Hollywood had perfected it to an art form, but they can't hold a candle to the fine folk of Bako. Either through inbreeding or boredom or more likely both, everyone here is up in everyone else's business. There's no rumor or innuendo too small that it won't spread like a prairie fire and nothing is off limits. From martial indiscretions and down-low husbands, crooked business dealings and petty corruption to drug addled children and knocked-up grandkids, everything is fair game.
And secondly... what project in Bakersfield could possibly warrant such secrecy? Nefarious oil company shenanigans? Sure. Local corruption? That's hardly a secret. Secret government experiments on the locals? Maybe. But other than that, I can't see what else would qualify.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against confidentiality agreements, I've signed a ton of them. Mostly for the Hollywood studios on various film projects. In theory it's to protect the "integrity" of the film, to prevent you from spilling the beans about the story or important plot points, twists and turns and surprise endings. Or from sharing the magical visuals with the online world. In reality it's to prevent you from telling people the film is a piece of shit before it opens.
So I went ahead and signed the stupid agreement, which had about as many pages as my escrow docs back in the day. And all for...what?
I wish I could say, but that would probably blow what little anonymity I have left.
Suffice it to say, on the sliding scale of my work to date in Bako, the job falls somewhere above the Snickerdoodle flyer for the tyrannical 11 year old and yet not quite as satisfying as the ads I did for the new John Deer manure spreaders.
