Thank God for the local news. I don't know how I'd get through the day without it. Just when you think you're slipping into a deep funk of despair, along comes a story that makes you slap your forehead and say "WTF!" Not the letters, the actual words. I've been dropping a lot of F-Bombs this week and was trying to keep it clean today.
Today's story involves Donny.
Donny is a tortoise.
Sorry, no link. It's such breaking news they haven't posted it yet online.
As tortoises go, Donny isn't that large. Maybe 40 lbs.
At any rate, Donny's owner lives on a very busy street and the front door had been left open and before you knew it Donny had made a break for it.
Not long later..... actually, probably a very long time later, Donny's a tortoise, he moves maybe a foot an hour.... Police were called to the scene by reports of a tortoise in traffic. And once there, using rational-for-Bako thinking, they did what you'd expect...
They closed the road.
Traffic immediately backed up because of the closure. How long the road was closed, they didn't say. It was long enough for the crack Eyewitless news team to arrive and beam back breathtaking, action-packed footage of a tortoise in the road, not moving. At no point during the whole ordeal did it occur to anyone to PICK. THE TORTOISE. UP.
Donny eventually made it to the curb on his own volition, at which point the police began a door to door search for the owner. And she proved to be a winner once they found her. Judging by the teeth and the glassy stare, I'd guess she was higher than a kite on crack when she did the TV interview.
"Donny is always up to no good" she said. "He's constantly bothering my cat."
Which begs the question, "How stupid is the cat?" Can't even get away from A TORTOISE?
Anyhow, it made my day. I hope they have an update on the 11am news.
