I've written frequently about how Bakersfield seems to desperately want to move to Oklahoma. But I'm beginning to realize I may have misread the situation.
Readers of this blog know what a huge fan I am of the local news. Whether it's a live remote from the monster truck rally or the poultry fair, it's never less than entertaining. So imagine my excitement when I managed to score an interview at one of the local stations.
I don't want to mention the station for fear of shooting myself in the foot, so suffice it to say it's the one with the anchorwoman who looks like a Korean drag queen. I showed up at the nondescript building downtown, near the adult theater, for the interview at the appointed hour. The people were extremely nice and the interview went well. And then came time for the obligatory studio tour.
Years ago I had done work for the ABC and NBC stations in LA. Any visit to the studios always ended with a tour and it always seemed to be such a beehive of frenetic activity.
Here? Not so much.
The stations in LA were "O&O's" - "owned and operated" by the networks themselves. As such, they lacked for nothing when it came to talent or technology. Here in the hinterlands the stations are affiliates. They pay a license fee for the privilege of broadcasting "Dancing with the Stars" and the pretense that Brian Williams is part of "the team". They used to be mom and pop type operations, but over the years they've been gobbled up by companies hoping to form mini-media empires, cobbled together with fourth tier stations scattered across flyover country. And they don't have anywhere near the resources of the networks.
At any rate, we headed off on my tour of the facilities.
Or what there was of them.
I always thought their news set looked so dumpy and sad on TV. In person it was just tragic. More than anything else it reminded me of drama club in high school. There didn't appear to be much action, but then why would there be? There's an hour of local news in the morning and then they cut to the network morning shows. After that, it's infomercials. Watching the local channels, you may not get a sense of what's happening around town, but you'll end up knowing more than you care to about Yoshi Blade Ceramic Knives. Around 3 or 4 the syndicated talk shows kick in and then another hour of local news at 5. The network takes over for the evening and then it a light news wrap-up at 11. The end.
As the tour continued we passed what looked like an abandoned control room. Holes in the walls where monitors once were, banks of control panels that looked like they were being cannibalized for parts.
"This used to be the control room. We don't need it anymore. We used to do all the programming here, but now it's done remotely out of the home office."
"Where's that? I asked.
"Tulsa."
So I was wrong about Bako. It doesn't want to move to Oklahoma, it's becoming Oklahoma. It's nothing but a puppet, run remotely from Tulsa. That would explain the tornado fetish. I always assumed there were so many Sooners here because of the oil industry, but I'm beginning to think it's only the first wave of colonization. Maybe all the knife commercials are really secretly ninja training sessions. Stranger things have happened.
I guess that doesn't count as "breaking news" here, but even if it did it would just be quashed by "the home office".
By the time the rest of California figures it out, it'll be too late.
