If, like me, you're quasi-unemployed, you often find yourselves with nothing but time on your hands.
Like today.
On days like this I usually resort to housework. It feels productive and helps ward off depression. And the house gets cleaned. It's a win-win. But when doing the housework I usually balk when it comes to the floors. Our lovely rental home came with exquisite white, "imported Italian" tile (from Casa Depot). And lots of it. It shows off every foot and paw print, and after the recent wet weather it's been getting particularly grody. But the thought of whipping out the old school bucket and mop was too much to contemplate.
If only there was an easier way...
I'd accidentally left the TV tuned to "Live with Regis and Kelly", because accidentally is the only way I'd ever watch that show. I'd rather listen to a rake being dragged down the sidewalk. And then, almost like divine intervention, I heard the answer to my prayers...
Swiffer!
Sure, I'd heard of it before but never really given it any thought. But now I was staring at my dingy floors and a solution miraculously appeared. I was headed to the market anyway, so why not join the Swiffer generation?
What a fucking ripoff.
I found it at the store and didn't really check the price. How much could a glorified mop be anyway? I'll tell you how much...$22. Found that out at the check-out stand. But it would make my life easier, right? How much was my time worth? It was worth $22, right?
I got home and immediately discovered it needed batteries. Batteries? For a mop? We didn't have any, so I ran out to the convenience store and picked up batteries for $8. I came home and assembled the thing. It came with a small bottle of cleaner and two pads. I got to work cleaning the kitchen floor. I have to admit, it did a great job. Halfway through, I noticed it wasn't doing as well and checked the pad. Dirty as hell. So I swapped it out and kept going. I was almost finished with the kitchen when suddenly it stopped working. I checked the little bottle... empty. I'd already exhausted my supplies and I'd only done one room.
As fate would have it I had forgotten a couple of things at the store, so since I was going back I decided to re-Swiffer myself. Another box of pads... $12. A two pack of cleaning fluid... $8. If I would have stopped to think about the expense I would've thrown in the towel then and there, but I had Swiffer Fever and couldn't be stopped.
But now that I've had a few hours to reflect, reflect in my nice clean floors, I realize I've been had. Using this Swiffer ponzi scheme it's going to cost me $20 every time I do my floors. I can pick someone up outside of Home Depot to do it for less. Or god forbid fill up a bucket with water and do it myself for free. What the hell was I thinking?
In hindsight I should've know better. Nothing good ever comes from "Live with Regis and Kelly".
