Another national ranking, another piss poor showing for poor little Bako. This time it was "crime" - Bako ranks 21st. This comes on the heels of having the worst air in the land and ranking dead last in the nation in education. And God knows what else. Bakersfield ranks "worst" in so many categories the locals seems to have gotten bit blasé about it. Or so I thought.
Actually, #21 doesn't seem all that bad if you take into account all the shootings and decomposing bodies found left in the fields. Not to mention the cockfighting.
All the other low rankings were met with a collective "Meh". No one seemed to care. But this crime statistic seems to have struck a nerve, although from the outraged reactions on the news I couldn't quite tell if they thought it should be higher or lower. Not to worry - I bet if you factor in all the police shootings we'd be #1.
But there was one brief, shining moment of self-awareness on the part of one reporter. Doing something no one here appears to have thought of, he began to connect the dots and made the astute observation that the only way to raise Bako's rankings was to, you know, improve things. What a novel idea!
They quickly cut to an interview with one of the city supervisors who quickly threw cold water on that wacky notion...
"All these rankings don't amount to a hill of beans!" he said. "It doesn't matter at all. All the people who are already here aren't goin' anywhere..."
I must admit I expected some kind of defense of the city, but I never saw the "You're all trapped here so just fuck off the whole lot you" excuse coming.
Well played, sir!
