Yesterday I just about reached my breaking point. Around midday I thought I might actually snap. I had a job go horribly, horribly awry.
It was Tevye. There's a shocker.
The boyfriend is always accusing me of being unable to read people, but I can read them just fine and I knew Tevye was bad news the minute I saw his office. But I didn't have the luxury of turning down work and I had to hope for the best. You'd think I'd know better by now.
It was a project for his ceiling tile client, my debut in Architectural Record. Tevye was the middleman between me and the client. Essentially he was nothing more than a waitress, delivering piping hot ad pages in a timely manner. And yet he managed to fuck that up. Over the weekend the nasty e-mails started to fly and when push came to shove, he shoved me right under the bus. Gave her my home e-mail address and washed his hands of it, leaving me to try and make sense of it all and clean up the mess.
I managed to push through it all and get the job done. This will be the very first time I actually lose money on a job, spending more on gas, time, supplies and messenger fees that I can hope to recoup. How much I lose depends on whether Tevye bothers to even pay the agreed amount. I'm sure he will; they always do. He wouldn't be the first to try and stiff me. In the end, they always pay up. That has nothing to do with the goodness in people's hearts and everything to do with my Mad PhotoShop Skilz and the ability to fabricate threatening letters from fake lawyers.
The whole experience made me question what the fuck I was actually doing anymore. I had chosen this career path, and I had chosen poorly. It's proving to be sad, bleak dead end. What other path could I have chosen? Where would I be if I had? Where did it all go wrong?
I thought back to my high school guidance counselor. Back then being a high school counselor wasn't the highly skilled and respected profession it is today. Back then it was for people who couldn't even teach P.E. I don't remember her name, only that she had really bad hair. I was still in my architecture phase and pretty much set on the path I was planning on taking. But still, I wanted to get her informed opinion, her astute evaluation, her wise advice.
She looked through my file, my straight A record, my interest in art and design, my involvement with band and drama club. She took it all in and gave it careful consideration. And after all was said and done, she came to a measured decision on what career was best suited for my strengths and skills...
Petroleum Engineering.
Seriously. How she figured I would go from a bit part in "The Sound of Music" to oil rig jockey wasn't explained. I told her that didn't interest me in the least, but she kept pushing it hard. So hard in fact I began to wonder if she had some ulterior motive. Was she getting a bounty from Exxon for each unsuspecting student she duped into a career in the oil industry? Sure seemed like it.
So on days like yesterday, when I start playing "shoulda/woulda/coulda" with the choices I've made in life, I think back on what would've happened had I taken her advice. Years of engineering school and a life spend as a corporate drone for Big Oil. I'd probably be a global warming denier too, if I knew what was good for me. Not to mention I'd probably be living in some backwater hellhole like Oklahoma or Louisiana or... Bakersfield.
Shit.
