We live in a nice middle class neighborhood. Probably "upper middle class" by Bako standards. It's All-American wholesomeness straight off a cliché checklist:
Tidy 70's era ranch style homes cloned from the Brady Bunch, painted in more shades of beige than there are stars in the heavens...
Check.
Neatly manicured, if waterlogged, lawns and hedges groomed like a poodle into odd spheres and spirals...
Check.
Gently flapping American flag from the eaves...
Check.
Lowriders in the driveway...
Ch... ?
WTF?
Yup... lowriders. Bakersfield is evidently home to a previously undocumented sub-species.
Middle Class Gangbangers.
When I saw the first one, I thought it was an aberration. But I've now noted at least three just in our neighborhood. I was more than a little surprised, because what little exposure to the gang life I had in LA didn't seem to imply the opportunity for any upward mobility.
From the outside the homes are indistinguishable from their neighbors - they're all just as blandly neat. The only clue that things are a little diferente are the vehicles parked in the driveway. Trucks lowered so far you'd be lucky to slip a piece of paper under them. Monte Carlos so detailed and decked out with chrome you'd be blinded trying to look at them in the sun.
I knew lowrider culture was big here. All you have to do is go to the mall on the weekends. They circle the building slowly like sharks, periodically blocking the entrances to put on a show of all their hydraulic awesomeness. Who knew you could made a car go almost vertical? I just assumed it was an East Bakersfield thing. If you know what I mean.
I've rarely actually seen the neighbors, but when I have it's been a sight to behold. The 40something Chica mom in the cha cha heels, unloading the groceries from the minivan with the spinner rims. Dad mowing the lawn shirtless, completely covered with prison tatts, his middle age paunch hanging over the boxer showing, butt crack baring, baggy shorts. (I don't care how fit you are, whether you're gay, straight or on parole - over the age of about 25 the "pants-on-the-floor" look is just wrong. Actually, it's just always wrong.)
The most amusing thing is watching them try to actually drive one of their lowered vehicles. I've watched as they've ever so slowly tried to inch their cars into the street from the driveway, the metal grinding on the asphalt as it tries to clear the gutter. Then speeding away at 5 mph, lest there be any dips or bumps in the street.
I'm sure they make splendid neighbors. Truth be told, I'd prefer living next to them than some of the Wingnuts around here. Or friggin' Mary. It's all just more proof that Bako is nothing more than one big happy melting pot.
In this heat, how could it not be?
