So this past Sunday I decided to do something I hadn't done in months - read the Sunday paper. With everything going on with the move I hadn't really had a chance to just kick back and catch up on the news. Running up the street, I reflexively went for the LA Times which, surprisingly, still distributes up here. But my heart sank at the thought of reading about the people and places I'd sadly left behind. Too soon. Maybe one day, but not today. So instead of the newspaper, I picked up the Bakersfield Californian.
Oh sure, it looks like a newspaper, but don't be fooled - it's a collection of press releases and talking points from the Kern County Republican Party. The front page headline was about the "rising tide for the GOP". Next to that was a photo of Darth Vader himself, Dick Cheney. Seems he's going to be coming to town to address the Bakersfield Business Forum. That should prove to be interesting - what on earth will he talk about? Boosting sales with electro-shock and rubber hoses? Inside there were profiles of 12 "up and coming Republicans", 10 of them pudgy white men. A glowing puff piece about the Teabagger "movement". Beneath that was a brief rundown of all the electoral races coming up in the county for 2010. In a nutshell, the choice in each race is between a stark raving mad conservative Republican, and a bat shit insane uber-conservative Republican. What news stories there were were presented through the Republican perspective. There was no crisis too large, no problem too small, that didn't present a tremendous opportunity for the GOP. And they had solutions for each problem! The fact that in most cases, the Republicans created the problems in the first place was conveniently omitted. Budget crisis in Sacramento? TAX CUTS! Healthcare? STICK IT TO THE TRIAL LAWYERS! Water shortage in Kern County? BUILD A MASSIVE CANAL AND STEAL THE WATER FROM UP NORTH! State Parks closed for budget reasons? VEND THEM OUT TO DEVELOPERS AND STRIP MINE THEM!
This comes on the heels of my first, and let's hope last, exposure to Glenn Beck. I had to take my dogs for a routine check-up at the vet last week, and there he was, on the waiting room plasma screen. It was an up close and personal view of the Bizarro World of the Wingnuts. He was railing on about secret plot of the UN to take over this country and subject us, against our will, to a NEW WORLD ORDER. For 20 minutes I watched him ramp up the paranoia, with a scary mix of fear and obvious glee. As with most conservative conspiracy theories, as much as they feign horror at the thought, they seem to actually be hoping for it to come true. He wound it up to a fever pitch - they were going to take away our rights! Our liberty! Our GUNS! And then he threw it out to his two guests -
"UN takeover..... imminent? Or ALREADY UNDERWAY!!!!"
Those were the only two choices. Both guests chuckled. They scoffed. I thought "Thank God - someone is going to be the voice of reason here.." Only to have them both suddenly glower....... " I M M I N E N T".
And more frightening than was what was happening onscreen was what was happening around me - everyone was sitting in absolute rapt attention, several of them bobbing their heads in you-tell-it-sister agreement. I now live with these people.
It would be easy to just kind of laugh all this off. Hope that in time, as none of these vast conspiracies bear any fruit, that people will come to their senses. But then that wouldn't be good news for the GOP, so they have a vested interest in constantly banging the gong and whipping people into a frenzy. These people have been turned into tightly wound springs just waiting for their "Red Dawn" moment.
There's a bumper sticker you see around town.... GOD BLESSS THE TROOPS - ESPECIALLY THE SNIPERS!"
No - God help us.
