I hate to admit it, but when it comes to the front yard, I'm a failure.
The first couple of times I mowed the lawn, it was awful. But I cut myself some slack because it had been over 30 years since I'd done it. But it's been 5 months now, and I show no signs of getting any better at it. Whatever Mad Lawn Skillz I had when I was 13 are gone and I don't think they're ever coming back. It's embarrassing.
It's also dangerous. I never appreciated as a teen just how lethal these machines are. I can't believe my parents actually let me operate them unsupervised, and that was back before they added all the modern, idiot-proof safety devices. Every time I mow the lawn I'm convinced I'm going to lose a foot. And the edger? Forget it. That thing scares the shit out of me. I've opted to let the lawn slowly creep onto the sidewalk rather than deal with that death machine.
So despite my best efforts, our yard pales in comparison to the neighbors. Especially the Republicans. All their lawns are neat as a tack. A prime example is Bob, around the corner.
He mows his lawn in a perfect diamond pattern that would be the envy of any Major League ballpark. The lines and angles are so exact you could probably chart the stars with it. Then again, that's one of the qualities you expect in someone of his persuasion... military precision.
There's only one solution that I see... a gardener. I'm going to have to step it up and make more money.
