Look what popped up yesterday! I am quivering with anticipation.
Before we moved to Bakersfield, I thought Fourth of July fireworks were nothing but a childhood memory. I was under the impression they had been banned in all civilized places. But, lucky for us, this place aint civilized!
They sell fireworks here, and a LOT of 'em. This place goes absolutely bonkers on the Fourth. And they don't limit themselves to the wimpy "safe & sane" fireworks, they go to Mexico (or the nearest Indian reservation) and stock up on professional grade explosives. We were shocked last year to see Disneyland-quality aerials being launched from neighboring subdivisions. Sure, the odd house burns to the ground and fingers go missing, but that's how the Founding Fathers intended it. It's right there in the "Declaration of Constitution" or something.
Last year we were unaware of the local's proclivities and just barely caught the tail end of the festivities. It was an orgy of fire and flames and explosions, streets completely showered in sparks. The entire town was engulfed in a cloud of sulfur and smoke. It looked like Hell's Waiting Room, which, well...
This year we know better and we're going all in. We're going to get some sparklers and cones and candles, some Molotov cocktails and I.E.D.'s... you know, your basic "starter pack".
