Yesterday I was out running errands and I decided to be bad.
I decided to eat at McDonalds.
So shoot me.
There's one not far from our house, the one that was razed last year and replaced with a Next Generation version.
I walked through the doors and was shocked at what I saw... it was PACKED! I mean, at capacity. It looked like an airport at Thanksgiving. Even the ball pit in the plastic bubble play area was standing room only. What the hell was going on? It was 1pm, long past the normal Bako lunch hour. If you're eating lunch at 1pm in Bakersfield you must be European.
The lines at the counter were long and I thought about going elsewhere, but I just didn't feel like driving around aimlessly in the heat. So I joined a line and just accepted the wait. But the lines were moving surprisingly fast and I soon discovered why. Almost everyone ahead of me was only ordering drinks. Come to think of it, as I looked around the restaurant, few people were actually eating anything. And that's when it dawned on...
1. It's summer.
2. In Bakersfield.
3. McDonalds is air conditioned.
4. And they're paying the power bill to cool it.
What I had stumbled on was "Bako Daycare".
One look around the restaurant confirmed it. The booths by the windows were full of elderly folks, nursing small coffees and reading newspapers and cheap paperback books. They'd obviously been there awhile and weren't going anywhere. There were gaggles of listless, surly teens, ignoring each other while they texted. Probably texting other teens at the Burger King across the street. And around the perimeter of the enclosed play area were the hard looking moms with bad tattoos staring blankly into space, when they weren't stepping outside for a smoke.
"NO! Mommy is NOT turning on the air conditioning. It's too expensive! Put your shoes on, we're going to Micky D's."
Just about everyone had nothing but a drink, an iced coffee of a small soda. It's probably the minimum you buy without getting kicked out.
And then, while I was shuffling up to the counter, something magical happened...
I got cruised! By a guy! A gay guy!
There are so few gay men in this town to start with, and the ones that are here are so deeply closeted they would never make eye contact with another guy. For fear their wives would catch them. The pickins' are so slim that my gaydar has been offline since the day we moved here. I can't think of an single instance where I saw someone and suspected they were gay.
It also means I'm way out of practice. When I first caught him staring at me the first thing I thought of was, naturally, "serial killer". It never occurred to me that maybe he batted on our team. But the third time I caught him he flashed me a smile and I finally figured it out.
He was handsome, in a Bako kind of oil rigger/farmhand sort of way. Probably late 30's, a little stocky with a goatee, blue eyes and a killer smile.
I smiled back.
He was in the next line and for the next several minutes we shuffled side by side, stealing glances and little grins. We ordered at the same time and then found ourselves inches from each other at the drink machines.
And then, just like that, it was over. He was to-go, I was dine-in, our orders came up and we were like two ships passing in the night. We never even said "hi".
Which is fine. Nothing would have happened because I'm happily married, or as married as you can get in this backwards state. But I have to admit, I was flattered. It put a little bounce in my step for the rest of the day.
All the same, I thinks it's better no to mention it to the boyfriend.
He would kill me if he ever discovered... I ATE AT McDONALDS!.
Seriously, I'd never hear the end of it.
I'll tell him I saw the guy at the Post Office.
