"You're on TV! You're famous!"
That was my mother on the phone last night, talking about Bakersfield, not me.
Thanks to the Sperminator, we're now known as the "Home of Celebrity Bastard Children". I suppose that's a step up from what Bakersfield is usually known for.
I have to admit, I got it wrong. I didn't think anyone would schlep all the way to Bakersfield to cover this story. Especially once it became clear that the family had been tipped off and fled town before the media frenzy broke. But by noon, the Northwest neighborhood was choked with network satellite trucks and news vans from every local station from the Bay Area to the Mexican border, with countless reporters doing live reports from the lawn of an empty house.
I have to give the neighbors some credit. It was amazing how quickly they got wise to the ways of the media. For the early news broadcasts they seemed absolutely giddy with all the attention, willing to talk to just about everyone. By this morning they had called in the cops, started renting out their lawns to the various news crews and clammed up unless someone flashed a checkbook.
What we did learn was that everyone in the neighborhood knew Ahnold had purchased the house. One woman said the realtor was a horrible gossip and spilled the beans without even being asked. And the mistress herself wasn't shy who bought her the house, claiming it was a "retirement gift". Some gift. Taken with the fact that several of the neighbors claim the boy is the spittin' image of Ahnold, I'm surprised the story didn't break sooner. The again, never underestimate the ability of the locals to put 2 and 2 together and get 3.
I really feel sorry for the boy. All the news reports piously claim they're protected the boy by not naming him or showing his photo, at the same time they're flashing photos of his mother, his birth certificate and his home. They really have no other choice now but to move. This isn't LA, where there's a new celebrity scandal almost daily and it would be easy to blend back into the background the minute Lindsay stole some more jewelry (and you know she will).
No, this is a small town and the people aren't particularly kind and now that the word is out, his future here would be nothing but grim. Time to start over somewhere new.
Maybe Fresno.
