I know Bakersfield desperately wants to believe they play in the Big Leagues, but sometimes the lengths they go to is just silly.
Take, for instance, the morning traffic report.
All the local stations do them several times an hour and my question is... why?
There is no traffic here.
Nada. Zip. Zilch.
But that doesn't stop them. Every twenty minutes or so one of the anchors announces "And now a check on traffic..."
They cut to a slow rotation of various traffic cams set up on "major thoroughfares", in reality desolate cross streets and an empty highway. They look like still images because there is nothing moving in them. If you're lucky you may see a lonely pick-up go by. In case it wasn't clear, the anchor will announce that there is nothing to announce.
One station used to have a "Metro Traffic Map", where they turned every two lane country road into a busy interstate with little car icons rushing to and fro. They finally realized they weren't fooling anyone and ditched it.
The best is the local NBC affiliate, KGET, which ups the ante by cutting to a real live California Highway Patrol officer, seated behind a desk and a huge CHP seal.
"And now, with this morning's traffic report is Officer So-and-so."
They cut to the officer, who always looks so serious. And three times an hour, every day of the week, he says exactly the same thing...
"All roads are clear and open. Back to you Kiyoshi."
Yes, the anchor's name is Kiyoshi.
In the year and a half that we've lived here, I've only ever seen one real traffic alert. Someone had dropped a bale of hay on Highway 99.
"So everyone, if you're out there and you see it, be sure and drive around it" the anchor helpfully advised.
There are few things in life that are self evident but I would think not driving head-on into anything would be on the list. Then again, they know their viewers. Who knows how many lives were saved that day.
