Yesterday we had a near tragedy.
"Somebody", and I'm not saying who (far be it for me to publicly disparage or cast aspersions on anyone's parenting skills, or lack thereof) left the front door open and our little dog escaped.
I was on the computer around 8:30am, the two dogs asleep at my feet, when "somebody" said he was going to Home Depot. About 20 minutes later, I went to refresh my coffee and noticed only one dog. And as I passed by the living room, I saw the front door wide open.
Now, God bless her, she isn't that bright. So there was still a good chance she was in the house. But a quick check of the house and the backyard turned up no dog.
Even so, I still didn't panic. "Someone" had done the exact damn same thing just a month ago, and in that case we found her right next door, snuffling through the shrubs like a pig looking for truffles, in search of her new favorite delicacy, cat shit. Don't ask. She's a little on the heavy side and doesn't show much get-up-and-go unless there's a cat involved, so I figured she couldn't have gone far.
I searched next door, and the house next to that and then crossed the street to search all the houses nearby.
Nothing.
Now I started to panic. Everyone here thinks they're a NASCAR driver and a neighbor's dog had been hit and killed just two weeks ago. Our house sits near the intersection of quite a few streets and now suddenly I didn't have any idea which way to look. So I just started running.
First I ran west about a block and a half, calling out her name like a lunatic. I encountered a woman in her yard who claimed to be gardening, although I'm not sure that's the right term when the plants are obviously dead. I asked her if she'd seen a little brown dog and she said no. I told her where I lived and asked her to find me if she saw her.
Next I ran south. Again, nothing.
Then I ran east a couple of blocks to where our street intersects with a busy thoroughfare. I have to say I was relieved not to see her near there with all the people zooming by at 60mph.
Finally I circled around through the condo complex across the street. We've seen lots of cats over there recently and I thought she might be drawn to them. Or their "delicacies".
Nothing.
As I was headed back home, I ran into Jim.
Cocktail in hand.
I asked him if he'd seen my dog, and he said he hadn't, but he'd be sure to keep an eye out for her.
I was shaking by the time I got home. I tried to call "someone", but then heard his phone ringing on the kitchen counter.
Consider that "Strike Two".
I was beside myself with anger and fear, but then my crack art training kicked in and I decided to make a "Lost Dog" poster.
Something simple and clean, elegant without being fussy. I was thinking a sans serif font. "Gotham"? No, too trendy. 'Gill Sans"? Too lighthearted. I settled on Helvetica Neue. You can never go wrong with Helvetica Neue.
But what about a photo? I remembered I'd just taken some photos of her last weekend with my phone. I downloaded them, but they weren't flattering. I'd have to do a little retouching. Just shave her down a bit. Give her a waist. Maybe some highlights. Keep her recognizable, yet svelte.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
I answered it, and there stood Jim.
"You lookin' for this?"
There at his feet, was my little dog, happy as a clam, tail wagging furiously.
I noticed Jim had refreshed his drink.
He said he saw her just pacing on the sidewalk in front of the house.
She knew she had been bad, so she pulled out all the "cute" stops, and true to form, it worked. I forgave her.
"Someone" should be so lucky.
