We made the Big Time, baby!
We have A R R I V E D.
We are the white hot center of the media universe, and all it took to get us here is Arnold Schwarzenegger's penis.
It turns out the Governator's housekeeper/mistress/baby momma live's right here in Bakersfield!
Well, that certainly trumps the other big news stories of the day, the weatherman and the stripper or the recent outbreak of horse herpes. That one's going to put a crimp in a lot of people's love lives around here.
Actually, when you think about it, it makes a certain amount of sense. If you need to lay low and drop off the map, there's no better place than Bakersfield. I wouldn't be surprised if half the population is in the Witness Protection Program, because who in their right mind would ever think to look for anyone here?
I'm sure the locals are hoping for a media firestorm that shines a spotlight on the city for days, but I don't know if I'd count on that. I notice even TMZ only mentions the woman lives "several hours outside of L.A.", not bothering to name the city. I'm sure that's to avoid having to send someone up here. I'd hate to be in the room when they drew lots for that assignment.
Still, I doubt it will last. In our tabloid culture the story is too good to pass up, so I'm guessing everyone will eventually send someone up here.
So be sure and look for Bako on your nightly news tonight!
P.S. I actually designed that piece of shit poster for Arnold at the top of the post. Not my finest hour, let me tell you, but it seemed appropriate for the day. It's funny things in life often crop back up at the oddest times. I haven't looked at that thing in years and now it came up as one of the first hits on Google.
Ah, The Circle of Life.
