Several weeks ago the boyfriend said something so shocking, so disturbing, so vile I had to ask him to repeat himself to be sure I actually heard what I thought I had heard.
"I think I'm beginning to really like Bakersfield" he said.
WTF?
What kind of sociopath says such a thing? Was he on crack?
Truth be told he hadn't really been himself ever since he started the new job. He was different. He was... happy.
OK, that's a stretch. He was happiER. True "happiness" in Bako is a pie-in-the-sky, unattainable goal. Like clean air and water.
He'd taken the job out of desperation. The original thinking was it would be a place-holder, like my job, until something came up in LA. But it ended up exceeding our limited expectations. By a long shot. The people were nice, or so he said. The facilities much better than his previous job. And the pay was nothing to sneeze at.
Ultimately I decided to let his crazy talk slide. It seemed a small price to pay for an end to the uncontrollable sobbing and veiled suicide threats I'd endured during the last job.
But then last week I came home and caught him at the computer perusing the most obscene and perverted website imaginable.
The Bakersfield MLS!
He was looking at homes!
For sale!
For us!
He sheepishly explained the method to his madness. Homes in Bakersfield were unbelievably cheap. This is ground zero for the foreclosure crisis and you can pick up a four bedroom home with a pool and the mortgage would be half our rent. Noticing the look of horror on my face, he added that it would make a great investment and we could rent it out if we ended up moving back to LA.
I'm not buying it. He's thinking of putting down roots here. Like an alien spore.
Is this how it starts? The assimilation? What's next? Country music? Cowboy boots? Trucks?
And what about me? Is it contagious? Do you feel anything? Or do you just go to bed normal one night and wake up the next morning with an overwhelming desire to run out and pick up "Going Rogue" by Sarah Palin?
I guess we'll just have to see how this all plays out. Hopefully it's just a phase. Like our brief dabbling in vegan food.
If not, I don't know what I'm going to do.
