Last week was a rough one, emotionally. The sad grim reality finally set in that we weren't leaving.
Not now. Not any time soon. Maybe never.
What triggered it was the decision to formally, officially abandon the search for a job back in LA. It had long been an exercise in futility and had devolved into a kabuki-like morning ritual. It really wasn't much different from playing the lottery; deep down you know, rationally, that you aren't going to win and yet you're equally certain that the day you stop playing will be the day your numbers finally come up. And so you keep going. For awhile.
When I first found myself out of work in the summer of '07 I lept into action. I worked with two head hunters, registered with 8 different placement firms and joined God knows how many online services. One of them aggregated job listings from every job board you'd ever heard of and many more you haven't. You entered your parameters and every morning received a tidy little email with every single listing it could find. In the beginning it ran a dozens of pages and took hours to sort through. By the end it was reduced to only a handful of listings, mostly for entry level positions or unpaid internships. It was really my last link to the LA job market, and last week I finally pulled the plug.
Over the course of three years I lost track of how many jobs I applied for; I stopped counting at 500 and that was before we moved to Bakersfield. The whole process only generated one interview, back in '08. Working against me was the fact that the advertising business is a lot like "Logan's Run" with 40 as everyone's sell-by date. I was already well past that when I started looking for a job.
But it's not all doom and gloom. The job I took in Bako, originally as a place holder, temporary, stop gap measure has turned out to be better than expected. The pay sucks, but so far it's covering the bills. The work is interesting in a Bako kind of way. I have insurance for the first time in years, which is sadly considered a luxury nowadays. And they take out my taxes which will avoid many sleepless nights around April 15th.
So one door closes. Whether or not another one opens remains to be seen. But it was time to put the past squarely in the past and move on.
And so it goes.
