Do you know what I miss?
Eyecandy.
Random, fleeting encounters with stunningly good looking men. The strapping college jock pumping gas. The sexy business man at the next table. The fireman out shopping for groceries. It was an everyday occurrence back in LA, primarily because you can't swing a dead cat in that town without hitting an actor/model/wannabe.
But here? Fuggedaboutit.
And it isn't a gay thing - if you're a straight man hoping to cross paths with a lovely lady, you're shit out of luck too.
I don't mean to be mean, really I don't, but these people are not pretty.
This all became painfully obvious when one of my Bako clients called and asked if I'd be interested in helping her out with a local charity event...
A bachelor auction.
She wanted me to design the calendar.
It's an annual event and quite the hit with all the cougars in town, or so I've been told. It didn't pay much money but at least I'd be able to ogle cute guys. I accepted the job and she told me to go ahead and start laying it out, the photos of the bachelors would be coming in a week or so.
So I started on the project and settled on a Western theme - the locals love that shit. Each page had a large blank frame for the photos to come and I started to imagine the hot, sexy, Bako bachelors that would soon grace each month. Would it be a sweaty oil field worker in a wife beater with strategically smeared grease? A shirtless farmhand hoisting a bale of hay? A rancher in chaps?
And then the photos arrived.
I know this place is Hooterville, but really, this was the best they could do? Oy vey.
It just confirms my theory that all the smart and cute ones flee this place once they hit 18.
It'll probably all work out for organizers. I've seen the cougars in action in this town and they don't appear to be that picky. How could they be?
But still, the whole thing is laughable. Embarrassing even. Man, I feel sorry for these guys...
