It's been quite awhile since I posted a vermin report. It's not that the situation has improved - far from it. But the bugs ultimately just wear you down and render you numb to the pestilence. Flies are just an unfortunate fact of life when your town is surrounded by millions of acres of cow shit. And the roaches? So common they aren't even worth noting anymore.
It's a Bako thing.
Up until recently I still harbored some suspicions that perhaps we just lived in a roach-y part of town, or just imagined our neighbor Mary was some slovenly hoarder and it was all her fault. But then I started this job and I've noticed every morning when I come it that the hall leading to my closet is littered with dead roaches. There's usually a few under my desk too. They aren't all dead mind you - just last week I was in a meeting with my boss when out of the corner of my eye I caught a gargantuan one making it's way to a corner of her office. It's all I could focus on and I ended up tuning her out. I nodded my head as she babbled on and I watched as it disappeared behind the polyester curtains. Now I don't know what I was supposed to be working on this week.
But as long as it's been since I've written a roach post, it's been even longer since I had a brand new plague to report. They were coming fast and furious in the first months we lived here, the roaches, and flies, and killer dust storms and the swine flu. But then things leveled off and the flaming rain and raining frogs never appeared and everything appeared status quo.
Until this morning.
We returned this morning from three days away for the birthday festivities to a whole new breed of house guests:
Maggots!
All over the kitchen floor and entryway. Where did they come from? No fucking clue. What were they there for? Ditto. The trash had been taken out before we left, so there was nothing there for them. They appeared to just be lazily sunning themselves on the "fine Italian marble tile©". It reminded us of that scene in "Poltergeist" with the steak. The boyfriend fled and left me to sort it out.
I ended up flushing the whole lot of them because I was pressed for time. If I hadn't been in a rush to get to work I would've figured out how to get them over the fence into Mary's yard. This being Bako I'm sure I'll have many more chances.
We, of course, had our plagues in LA too, but it was pretty much limited to the hoards of D-list celebrities and Eurotrash that descended like locusts on any newish club or restaurant. I guess it could be argued that there isn't much difference between a maggot and an Olsen Twin, but all things being equal I know which one I'd rather be scraping off a floor.
