Last summer they finally fired up the Large Hadron Collider, the world's largest and highest-energy particle accelerator. What does it do and why does it matter? Hell if I know - I have an art degree. I only mention it because at the time I remember reading that a small minority of scientists were concerned that there might just be the itsy, bitsy, teeny, tiniest chance that when the switch was thrown an artificial black hole would be created which would swallow the entire planet and solar system in a matter of minutes.
Didn't happen, obviously.
But it appears that on October 9, 2010, another opportunity will present itself to create a fathomless black void, one that twists reality beyond all recognition and from which no light can escape.
I'm talking about the Bakersfield Business Conference.
Oh, don't let the name fool you. It's billed as a non-partisan business symposium, but in reality it's "Wingnut-A-Palooza". Started during the Reagan administration, it was held annually in a tent the size of a football field, emblazoned with the world's largest American flag. And then in 2005 it was discontinued under "mysterious" circumstances. C'mon... with that many Republicans involved how "mysterious" could it be? Financial irregularities? Misappropriated funds? Jail terms?
At any rate, it's back this year for a one-time-only encore, and it's going to be a doozy.
Scheduled to appear...
Darth Vader himself, Dick Cheney.
Mrs. Vader, "Dr."(!) Lynne Cheney. Doctor of what they don't say... Black Arts?
Long-suffering former First Lady Laura Bush.
Queen of the Tea Baggers, Sarah Palin. That had to cost a pretty penny; she won't open an envelope for less than $100K.
Empty Vessel, Mitt Romney.
Evil Turd Blossum, Karl Rove.
Serial Philanderer, Newt Gingrich.
Rudy "9/11,9/11,9/11" Giullani.
Nut Job Theocrats Bay Buchanan and Cal Thomas.
Amongst many others.
And just to prove they're "Fair and Balanced"...
Cathy Rigby and Goldie Hahn!
WTF? Goldie Hahn? I know she hasn't worked in awhile but has it really come to this? Poor dear.
New speakers are added daily, and whether they can reach critical mass and devour the entire planet is unknowable at this time. The only thing guaranteed to vanish is the rube's hard earned American money. It's $395 per person and doesn't include a torch or pitchfork.
Hopefully we'll be long gone by then, but if ever we needed an incentive to get the lead out and firm up our plans, this would be it.
