Around 3 yesterday afternoon the boyfriend was packing up to leave. He had driven up for the weekend to see me and the dogs and, more importantly, take care of the dozens of small repairs and touch-ups that had to be done before the house officially goes on the market on Wednesday. I wasn't much help as I had taken on way more work than I could realistically do over the weekend. On Friday I had 13 projects on my plate and by Sunday I had whittled it down to two.
I know our current situation is temporary and it's ultimately for the greater good, but that doesn't make kissing him good-bye every Sunday any less depressing and sad. Shortly after he left, I emailed off the last job and for the first time in weeks I found myself with the rarest of things... free time.
So I sat down to watch the Super Bowl.
I'm gay, so that meant watching the commercials and turning my attention to folding laundry while the actual game was on. It's the first time I had watched the Super Bowl solo and it made for a singularly lonely experience. By about the middle of the second quarter I felt a wave of sadness start to overtake me and as the tears welled in my eyes, it happened...
The Madonna Halftime Show.
Oy vey.
Now, I love me some Madonna. As I may have mentioned, I'm gay. For gays of a certain age she's about as close to a patron saint as you're going to get. And while I had heard she would be performing, it had actually kind of slipped my mind, so when they said "Next up..... Madonna", my spirits lifted.
She started off with "Vogue". "Vogue" came out shortly after I did and like me, it hasn't aged well. Was it always so kitschy? I guess so. I can't believe I once knew all those moves. Or that I just admitted it in print. What saved it, for me, was the over-the-top production, the grand homage to Elizabeth Taylor as "Cleopatra". Extra gay points for that. Grade: A-
Next up was "Music". Meh. I was never a fan and the production looked cheap. Grade: C
Then came the new song. You had to know there was a new song. Madonna aint stupid and you knew there had to be a new album and tour to promote. And sure enough, she launched into "Give Me All Your Luvin'", a sugar pop anthem that was so saccharin it made my teeth hurt. It was Madonna channeling Britney Spears. Someone should let Madonna Britney was over about four years ago. Not helping matters were the platoon of cheerleaders trying too hard to skew the whole thing "youthful" and chanting "LOVE! MADONNA! They might as well have been on stage beating a dead horse. Grade: D
Around this time two thoughts crossed my mind.
The first was "Jeeze, Madonna is old."
In a bit of sleight of hand, she packed the stage with dozens of dancers, popping and locking and jumping and spinning, all to distract from the fact that Madonna herself was essentially up there doing basic yoga moves. At one point she just took a break and let a tightrope walker take the spotlight. And the provocative sex kitten of yore was M.I.A. Rather than showing any skin, Madonna was bundled up like she was off to go skiing.
The second thought was.... "Is Madonna even relevant anymore?"
That thought must have crossed her mind as well, otherwise why would she pick younger up and coming stars such as Nicki Minaj as back-up singers? I'm sure she's regretting that this morning since all the buzz is about the middle finger and not the performance.
Next came "Express Yourself", which was so brief and forgettable I actually had to go online to remind myself what the fourth song was. I'll give this one an "Incomplete".
And finally came "Like A Prayer", which I liked because it's probably one of my most favorite Madonna tunes. I'll even overlook the whole "gospel choir, been there, done that" production. The marching band was a nice touch. It's hard to believe that 20 odd years ago this song caused such a uproar Pepsi had to pull an ad that featured it. And here it is now in a G-rated Super Bowl Halftime Show. Of course, you can also hear it in any grocery store aisle or elevator, so I guess it's not so hard to believe. I'll give it a A for old time's sake.
And then it was over, Madonna disappearing through the floor in a puff of smoke like the Wicked Witch of the West. Extra gay points for the "Wizard of Oz" reference.
So when all was said and done, for a final grade, I'd have to give it an... A-
I know, it doesn't add up, but I have to admit I was in a much better mood afterwards, so that had to count for something.
Plus, I'm an easy grader. Just ask my students.
