On Friday I had a visit from my new best friend, Lisa. Actually, she's one of my only friends in Bako.
Lisa visites me once a month, like I'm a shut-in, which for all intents and purposes, I am.
These aren't social visits, however. It's all business.
Lisa was here to spray for cockroaches.
Back in June, when the hunky J.T. appeared at my door selling pest control services, I initially only agreed to one Hiroshima-like nuking of the house. But he patiently explained, with his dreamy blue eyes, that to really get a handle on the problem we should consider monthly maintenance. At the time I assumed J.T. would be the one doing the work, and I also imagined that during the hot summer months he might be doing it shirtless, so I agreed. It was only after the contract was signed that I learned he was merely a front man and that someone else would actually be taking care of us.
That would be Lisa.
Lisa is probably mid-30s and built like a linebacker. Her jumpsuit does her no favors. She wears her hair like Alice the housekeeper on "The Brady Bunch". If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say... lesbian. Then again, most of the women here are somewhat mannish, so I could be wrong. She's nice enough to me, but the dogs hate her. Probably because she looks a little like a poodle. A very large poodle.
The service costs $40 a month, which may seem steep, at least until you've been jolted awake in bed at night by cockroaches skittering over your body and face. After that, it seems like a bargain. I have to say, it's worked like a charm. We haven't had a roach problem in the house for months. They haven't really gone anywhere - I still see them enjoying the backyard and at night you can see them by the hundreds scurrying across the fences. But they avoid the house because the house is now too toxic for them. I try not to think about the fact I live in a house that cockroaches find poisonous.
The thing about the pests of Bakersfield is that once you think you've vanquished one, there are half a dozen others on deck waiting their turn. Almost immediately after the cockroaches moved on, the flies moved in and have been a headache all summer. And the silverfish. And the latest arrival, just in time for Halloween, black widow spiders so big they look like movie props. They've colonized our patio furniture and seem to like the pool area, along with the roaches. Nice to see they all get along.
With the backyard somewhat off limits now, and nowhere to go, is it really any wonder I'm a shut-in?
