Geographic nicknames.
Like most idiotic things, the blame for these rests squarely on television. Because broadcast signals don't end at the city limits, TV stations come up with terms to cover their entire market.
Living in LA, everything from San Diego to Santa Barbara was referred to as "The Southland". Pretty innocuous, and reasonably accurate. Same with San Francisco and Oakland being "The Bay Area" or Minneapolis/St. Paul being "The Twin Cities". Makes sense to me. Some of them are just silly sounding, at least to a visitor - greater Chicago is referred to as "Chicagoland", like it's a theme park. And some are just downright creepy, like Dallas/Fort Worth being ominously branded "The Metroplex", which not only sounds vaguely "Matrix-like", but also over-promises what the city ultimately delivers in the "Metro" department.
And speaking of over-promising, there's Bakersfield.
When you live here, you don't just live in Bakersfield, or the San Joaquin Valley.
No, when you live here, you live in...
"The Golden Empire".
Sounds magical, no? Like a Philip Pullman novel, a fantasy world of wonder.
Well take a look at the photo above - there's your "Golden Empire".
But no matter. Never ones to let reality get in the way of good branding, everything here is "Golden Empire This" and "Golden Empire That". The local news is broadcast "in the Spirit of the Golden Empire". The meager public transportation system is "Golden Empire Transit", which the locals just refer to as "get bus", making everyone sound like a neanderthal or Koko the Talking Gorilla.
Were it up to me, I'd probably go in a different direction.
"Greater Shitsville", while being spot on, is probably a non-starter from a marketing point of view. "Dogpatchland" lacks rhythm and doesn't fall trippingly on the tongue.
No, it has to be something more melodic, more memorable.
Which is why, after much thought and given the chance, I think I would christen this godforsaken place...
"The Hooterplex".
