The locals inability to conduct basic day to day business has been well documented here. I even gave it a name... B.T.D.
"Bakersfield Transaction Disorder"
You usually encounter it at the supermarket, but by far the worst offenses occur at the bank.
I was a little distressed at the thought of having to open a new bank account when we moved here. I banked at a credit union affiliated with the film studios in Hollywood, and needless to say, that was going to be a problem here. Or so I thought. It turns out they're part of a network and there's a partner credit union just down the street. Perfect!
Luckily I can do all my banking through the ATM, but I noticed my new local branch seemed unusually busy. Often times the teller line stretched all the way to the front doors. I wondered why this particular branch was so popular, but I quickly realized it's not. It's that the customers are incredibly stupid.
I can't vouch for what the problem is inside, but I can tell you the idiocy extends outside to the ATM. This particular bank has an ATM interface that's Playskool simple and uses ridiculously large text and, being tall, I can usually see over people's shoulder and watch the drama unfold. And from my observations I've determined my fellow bankers can be divided into two groups...
Gamblers and Morons.
The Gamblers have no clue how much money is in their account. If any. So the transaction usually goes something like this:
Insert the card.
Request to withdraw $200.
"INSUFFICIENT FUNDS"
Spits the card back out.
A few moments of dumbfounded silence. Then...
Insert the card.
Request to withdraw $180.
"INSUFFICIENT FUNDS"
Spits the card back out.
$160, $140, $120, $100, $80, $60, $40, $20.....
When we finally hit zero they take their card and walk away, after about ten minutes.
The second group is the Morons. People who either can't read or find the Preschool level instructions too difficult to comprehend. It's absolutely astounding. Even the most basic questions turn into million dollar answers on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire", with the hemming and hawing and staring at the screen, searching for the right response...
"Checking or savings??? Can I phone a friend? Ask the audience?"
The other day the woman in front of me got so flustered by the screen asking her if she wanted a receipt that she cancelled her transaction and walked away.
It's gotten so bad that now when I go to the bank, if I see even one person at the ATM I just drive on by because I know I'm about to lose a half hour of my life.
And that's not even the worst of it. Do you know what credit union it is?
Kern Schools.
These are... teachers!
Oy vey.
In the immortal words of George W. Bush, "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" In the case of Kern County, I'm afraid the answer is unfortunately "yes".
