Last night on the news they had a report that was both disturbing and more than a little ominous.
It was about sludge.
Sludge is the byproduct of the water treatment process. It's referred to as "Biosolids", but you probably know it better by it's common name, "shit". Human shit. For decades Los Angeles had been trucking it's sludge up here and paying the powers that be to discretely get rid of it. The locals spread it over the fields as fertilizer and placed helpful signs like the one above.
Remember that the next time you order a salad.
Then there was a lawsuit to stop the practice, probably filed by some wacko tree-hugging hippies. It took years to wend it's way through the courts, with LA kicking and screaming the entire time.
I remember the coverage when the suit was finally lost. They interviewed representatives from LA, who were understandably upset. They have a lot of shit, and now what were they going to do with it? But then they interviewed some local officials. I expected they would be jubilant that they had won, but they weren't. Not by a long shot.
"We make a lot of money off that sludge" said one. "That's gonna be a huge loss of revenue".
I can't say I'm surprised. In Bako, making a quick buck trumps all other considerations. I figured it was only a matter of time before they came up with some crazy scheme to keep all their sludge money. And watching the news last night, I think I may have glimpsed the future of sludge.
As "spa treatments".
Last night on the news was a glowing report out of Azerbaijan. Yes, Azerbaijan. Known the world over for forward thinking. It profiled a "resort" in Azerbaijan which is famous for it's "sludge treatments". And it isn't just a beauty thing. According to the Azerbaijanis, the sludge is a miracle cure for everything from arthritis to zits. They showed toothless Azerbaijanis slathering themselves in sludge and bathing in the muck up to their necks. According to this report, it's way better than Glen Ivy Hot Springs.
They cut back to the bubbly local anchors who were giddy with the news.
"Who would have ever thought sludge could be so good for you?!? Imagine that, sludge! A miracle cure! For everything!"
I'm not buying it. I think it's the first salvo in a propaganda campaign to condition the locals to love sludge. If they can't spread it on the fields, they'll spread it on the people. I expect to see a raft of new "day spas" opening in the coming months.
But even if every man, woman and child of Bako was dipped in sludge, I can't imagine it would make a dent in the supply coming out of LA. Which to me, means only one thing... packaged beauty products.
Oh sure, laugh all you want. But the next time you're in Bed, Bath & Beyond and you see "Buck Owens' Relaxing Facial Mud Mask", don't say you weren't warned.
