Yesterday I started my day as I do every day... looking for a job.
It's been that way just about each day since I was downsized out of my last full-time job back in 2007.
I know it must seem delusional. After four years I've applied for over a thousand jobs. I used to keep track but I gave up back in the 700's when we moved to Bako. That was two years ago. And through all of that, I've only ever been contacted twice and gotten one interview out of the ordeal. At this point I have a greater chance of finding a sasquatch than I do a full-time job.
When I first found myself out on the street, I signed up for email alerts from Indeed.com. It's a great little service. You enter the parameters of your job search and it scours every online job listing site for positions that meet your criteria and every morning you receive email lists of every potential job. Back in 2008, every morning there would be page after page of listings, dozens of job opportunities that could take hours to sort through. At the depth of the recession, the listings dropped down to a handful. A lot of days nothing showed up at all.
Things seemed to be picking up last year and the number of listings seemed to grow. But something had changed and the requirements and qualifications had undergone a paradigm shift. Traditional ad skills were passé and everyone was looking for people who could program for Facebook pages and iPhone apps, neither of which even existed when I was laid off.
But still I look. I've thought many times about just canceling the email alerts but in the back of my mind that would be to admit failure. And it's become my morning ritual and I think would completely throw me off. Besides, it's like playing the lottery. You convince yourself that the one day you don't look will be the day your dream job shows up and you miss the winning numbers. And that's what it felt like yesterday.
Scouring the list, the perfect job immediately popped out. It was for one of the major networks back in LA. The skills and qualifications seemed to perfectly align with my resume, and even better, it asked for at least ten years experience. That would mean I wouldn't be competing with the low cost youngsters.
The listing directed me to apply on the company website, and once there it required me to register. I entered my email address and created a password and hit submit.
"This email address is already registered with the system."
Really? That's weird. I don't remember ever applying for a job with this company, but after 1000 applications it all gets a little blurry.
Clearly I didn't know the password, so I jumped through the hoops to recover it and once I did I discovered something fascinating...
I had applied for the exact same job in September of 2010.
And October of 2009.
And September of 2008.
The disappointment and shame of realizing I had applied for this job and been passed over three times was tempered somewhat by the knowledge that no one who'd gotten the job in the last four years had lasted 12 months. It hardly seemed worth the effort to continue, so I didn't.
Applying repeatedly for the same job happens more often than you would think and it's happened so often to me that's it's developed a certain pattern.
It's not unlike the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle.
STAGE ONE: JOY
The stars align and you find a job that's perfectly matched to your skills and experience. You craft the perfect cover letter and polish your resumé and upload it all and wait for the phone call. Which never comes. Two weeks later, the same job listing appears.
STAGE TWO: DENIAL
There must be some mistake. My application must have somehow been overlooked. Perhaps the system went down and it was never uploaded. Must be a technical issue. Once again, you upload everything and wait for a call.
Nothing. A few weeks later, the same job listing appears.
STAGE THREE: BARGAINING
By now, you realize someone probably has looked at your resumé and cover letter and passed on you. You can fix it. You craft a new cover letter, perhaps dropping some names that you think may be relevant. You redo your resumé, fluffing yourself even further. You drop the oldest references and fudge the year you graduated college, trying to shave years off your age. You upload the new and improved you to the server and wait for the call.
Which never comes. When the job listing shows up for a fourth time, you aren't even surprised.
STAGE FOUR: ANGER
You apply again, just out of spite. Fuck them.
Which leads to...
STAGE FIVE: ACCEPTANCE
When the job listing shows up a fifth time, you just keep on walking.
I find myself doing a lot of "walking" these days.
One of these days, I'll just give up, but yesterday wasn't that day.
It's coming soon, though. I can tell.
