I think it's safe to say there is nothing "super" about Supercuts, but in these downmarket times you do what you have to do and yesterday I needed a haircut.
I suppose it could be worse - I could have the boyfriend cut my hair with a Flobee. It doesn't really matter. The shame and humiliation is usually fleeting since I've never spend more than ten minutes there and they usually get me out in around 5. It shows, of course, but I'm blessed with fast growing hair and within a week you won't even be able to make out all the nicks. Plus, the price is right.
The one I go to has a staff of mostly women, evenly split between thirty-something burnouts and younger rockabilly goth girls who'd rather not be there. There is one guy who works there who skews towards being queeny. In the two years I've lived here, he's the only obviously gay guy I've seen.
For a few bucks more, you can make an appointment with a particular "stylist", but I just go with the luck of the draw because, really, it doesn't matter.
I was assigned one of the goth girls and took my seat. We attempted some small talk for the first minute or so, but neither of us cared enough to keep it going and we soldiered on in silence for the rest of the cut.
About halfway through, at around the three minute mark, a large, hulking shape darkened the door and in walked a mean looking "Sons of Anarchy" biker wannabe. He announced to no one in particular he was there for a haircut and the receptionist took his name.
This was Darryl. Darryl was massive. And seemed a little angry.
It evidently wasn't the gay guy's day, since he was next up to bat and assigned Darryl. He looked scared.
He introduced himself to the biker as Bryan. I'm guessing it's with a "y"; gay Bryans are always with a "y".
He led Darryl back to the chair next to mine and as he dropped into the seat I thought I felt the floor shake. Darryl said this was his first time at Supercuts and Bryan gamely asked where he usually got his hair cut. Darryl mentioned a barbershop in a dodgy part of town and mentioned that his regular barber was unavailable...
"Doing 60 days for beating his old lady."
I noticed that Bryan had stopped making eye contact and was just staring at the floor. He asked Darryl how he wanted his haircut and Darryl said he wanted it short.
"As short as you can get it without showing my Bosley scars... if you can see the scars after your done, I'm going to be really pissed off. REALLY pissed off..."
A biker with hair plugs. There's something you don't see every day.
Mean, vain and stupid is no way to go through life, especially for those of us who will be described as "innocent bystanders" on the local news when the inevitable happens. Just in the nick (no pun intended) of time, Goth Girl announced that I was done. I hustled to pay and get the hell out of there. Just as I was leaving, I heard Bryan say "...oops"
I didn't look back. I've said it before, but in Bako you never look back.
I hope Bryan's OK. He seemed nice enough.
