Sunday Inspiration

Draining

Well, that was money well spent.

I'm talking, of course, about the water tank out back, what we once happily referred to as "the pool".

We ended up using it all of three times.

The first miscalculation came in the "refreshing" department. We got the pool in mid July and it took the better part of a day to assemble it and fill it. The next day we went in for our first dip, and it was, in fact, cooly refreshing, water temperature around 80.

But we're talking summer in Bakersfield with constant triple digit temps, and the next weekend when we went climbed in the water was around 96 degrees. As I floated around on a raft at roof level, staring at our air conditioner which was working overtime, it occurred to me that I'd much rather be inside where it was cool rather than sweating on a raft in water that was at body temperature. The next day, we tried again, but ended up spending even less time in the water.

We took a break from the pool for a week or so, but by then the figs had started falling and dissolving into a gelatinous goo and the pool had the consistency of warm spit.

It took several weeks of the boyfriend's best efforts at modern pool chemistry to finally return the water to something that looked non-toxic, but by then the weather had started to turn and so did our attention.

To be honest, I hadn't really given it much thought since then. It had always been the boyfriend's little obsession. I had tried to put the brakes on the whole pool crazy train, and failing that, I made it clear I wanted nothing to do with the maintenance and upkeep.

The other day I was on the floor of the bedroom giving the dogs some quality time, as I do each morning. But this day I noticed something was missing... the low hum of the circulating pump for the pool. It was one of those sounds that just fades into background white noise and you fail to notice it until it isn't there anymore. Come to think of it, I hadn't heard it in days.

Upon inspection, I discovered the filter was not in fact running. And wouldn't run. It was broken. And then I looked at the pool.

The water was a lovely, vibrant shade of green. Not unlike my eyes, which I'm told is my best feature.

The boyfriend came home for lunch and I drilled him about the pool... what are we going to do about it? Rather, what was HE going to do about it? It was now nothing but a mosquito hatchery.

So, that's the task at hand for the weekend... draining the pool. How? I haven't a clue. Not my problem.

Trouble at the OK Corral

Yesterday was the Grand Opening of the new Golden Corral.

Yesterday was also the Grand Closing of the new Golden Corral.

They opened yesterday morning to overflow crowds and it looked like they were on pace to set a record for number of people at a Golden Corral on an opening day. That says more about Bako than it does about the restaurant I think.

Then, around 2pm, the lights and kitchen equipment started to suddenly shut down.

It would appear that someone miscalculated just how much electricity 140 warming trays suck down.

As more of the restaurant started to go dark, they started turning people away and evacuated the people already enjoying their re-heated cuisine. And then they closed.

Leave it to Bakersfield to fuck up a Golden Corral.

The finger pointing has already begun. The builder is blaming the local utility, PG&E (Pathetic Gas & Electric) for not running enough juice into the building. PG&E is blaming the builder for an inadequate, poorly designed building. In the meantime they've moved in a mammoth potable generator truck and they vow to reopen later today. Even as they showed hundreds of pounds of spoiled meat being wheeled into a dumpster on the morning news.

Yeah... we'll be eating there reeeal soon. Not.

"TODAY'S SPECIAL: GRILLED SALMONELLA IN A LIGHT E.COLI SAUCE!"

If It Aint Broke...

Well, actually, it is.

Bakersfield..."Top Ten Brokest Cities".

That Golden Day

I haven't been this excited since that time we got the free onion loaf at Applebee's.

Today is the Grand Opening of Golden Corral!

Anticipation has been building ever since they erected the giant marquee out front a couple of weeks ago. Nothing says "fine dining" like a giant fluorescent backlit marquee. They've been counting down the days ever since it went up...

"GRAND OPENING IN TWO WEEKS...... ONE WEEK... THREE DAYS...TOMORROW!"

"Diners hungry to heap their plates with unlimited grub can stampede to the Golden Corral starting later this week.

The Raleigh, N.C.-based eatery's Bakersfield location opens at 10:45 a.m. Thursday.

The restaurant at 5001 Ming Ave. will offer Italian, Asian, Mexican and American cuisine at six stations, a news release said. The restaurant's fare ranges from cooked-to-order steak to a chocolate fountain dubbed the "Chocolate Wonderfall."

Golden Corral District Manager Dale Maxfield said the restaurant's "pavilion" design covers 14,000 square feet and can seat 525 people.

The eatery is an all-you-can-eat lunch and dinner buffet with more than 140 hot and cold foods seven days a week and a breakfast buffet on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays."

They had me at "Chocolate Wonderfall"

I've been trying to convince the boyfriend we need to go for dinner tonight, but he's been a little cool to the idea. I believe his exact words were "Not a fucking chance in Hell".

I suppose I see his point. We should probably give them a few days to work out the kinks. You know there'll be kinks. You can't have that many warming trays and not have kinks. Besides, it'll probably take them a few days to get the knack of cooking huge vats of institutional grade food.

Better to wait for the weekend. You know... "Date Night".

Random Good Things About Bakersfield #22

Seven digit dialing.

In Bakersfield, or all of Kern County for that matter, you can dial a phone call with only seven digits and the call actually goes through! It's like magic.

I can't remember how long it's been since you could do that in LA. Sometime in the 80's I think.

It's a throwback to a simpler time. I always bely my big city roots when someone asks for our number and I start with the area code...

"It's six, six, one..."

They screw up their noses and look at you like you're stupid. Of course it's 661. Everything is 661. What else would it be? It's 661 as far as the eye can see and much further beyond. In fact, the 661 area code is so vast it even bleeds into northern LA County. I wonder if the Nouveau Riche of the Santa Clarita Valley are aware they share an area code with Bako. That can't sit well.

It's quite the change from our former lives. We lived in the 310, but they were quickly running out of numbers so they gave it a 424 overlay, meaning your next door neighbor could have a different area code, and even if they didn't you'd still have to dial 310 to reach them. Both of our cell phones were 323, as was my office. The boyfriend worked over the hill and was 818. My parents in Orange County were 714, but my sister, a few miles further south, was 949. The boyfriend's family near the coast was 562. Add in friends in the 951, clients in the 213, and vendors in the 626 and it was all just too much.

But no such worries here. We don't need no stinking area codes.

The only thing that would be even better is if they reverted to the old named exchanges, like "Butterfield 8" or "Murray Hill".

How great would it be if your number was "WeedPatch5-1234"?

In Search Of...

Yesterday I started my day as I do every day... looking for a job.

It's been that way just about each day since I was downsized out of my last full-time job back in 2007.

I know it must seem delusional. After four years I've applied for over a thousand jobs. I used to keep track but I gave up back in the 700's when we moved to Bako. That was two years ago. And through all of that, I've only ever been contacted twice and gotten one interview out of the ordeal. At this point I have a greater chance of finding a sasquatch than I do a full-time job.

When I first found myself out on the street, I signed up for email alerts from Indeed.com. It's a great little service. You enter the parameters of your job search and it scours every online job listing site for positions that meet your criteria and every morning you receive email lists of every potential job. Back in 2008, every morning there would be page after page of listings, dozens of job opportunities that could take hours to sort through. At the depth of the recession, the listings dropped down to a handful. A lot of days nothing showed up at all.

Things seemed to be picking up last year and the number of listings seemed to grow. But something had changed and the requirements and qualifications had undergone a paradigm shift. Traditional ad skills were passé and everyone was looking for people who could program for Facebook pages and iPhone apps, neither of which even existed when I was laid off.

But still I look. I've thought many times about just canceling the email alerts but in the back of my mind that would be to admit failure. And it's become my morning ritual and I think would completely throw me off. Besides, it's like playing the lottery. You convince yourself that the one day you don't look will be the day your dream job shows up and you miss the winning numbers. And that's what it felt like yesterday.

Scouring the list, the perfect job immediately popped out. It was for one of the major networks back in LA. The skills and qualifications seemed to perfectly align with my resume, and even better, it asked for at least ten years experience. That would mean I wouldn't be competing with the low cost youngsters.

The listing directed me to apply on the company website, and once there it required me to register. I entered my email address and created a password and hit submit.

"This email address is already registered with the system."

Really? That's weird. I don't remember ever applying for a job with this company, but after 1000 applications it all gets a little blurry.

Clearly I didn't know the password, so I jumped through the hoops to recover it and once I did I discovered something fascinating...

I had applied for the exact same job in September of 2010.

And October of 2009.

And September of 2008.

The disappointment and shame of realizing I had applied for this job and been passed over three times was tempered somewhat by the knowledge that no one who'd gotten the job in the last four years had lasted 12 months. It hardly seemed worth the effort to continue, so I didn't.

Applying repeatedly for the same job happens more often than you would think and it's happened so often to me that's it's developed a certain pattern.

It's not unlike the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle.

STAGE ONE: JOY
The stars align and you find a job that's perfectly matched to your skills and experience. You craft the perfect cover letter and polish your resumé and upload it all and wait for the phone call. Which never comes. Two weeks later, the same job listing appears.

STAGE TWO: DENIAL
There must be some mistake. My application must have somehow been overlooked. Perhaps the system went down and it was never uploaded. Must be a technical issue. Once again, you upload everything and wait for a call.

Nothing. A few weeks later, the same job listing appears.

STAGE THREE: BARGAINING
By now, you realize someone probably has looked at your resumé and cover letter and passed on you. You can fix it. You craft a new cover letter, perhaps dropping some names that you think may be relevant. You redo your resumé, fluffing yourself even further. You drop the oldest references and fudge the year you graduated college, trying to shave years off your age. You upload the new and improved you to the server and wait for the call.

Which never comes. When the job listing shows up for a fourth time, you aren't even surprised.

STAGE FOUR: ANGER
You apply again, just out of spite. Fuck them.

Which leads to...

STAGE FIVE: ACCEPTANCE
When the job listing shows up a fifth time, you just keep on walking.

I find myself doing a lot of "walking" these days.

One of these days, I'll just give up, but yesterday wasn't that day.

It's coming soon, though. I can tell.