Can’t See For Shit

And so, the fog returns.

I don't know what it is about the fog here, but the cold cuts right through to the bone. I've been back from walking the dogs for over an hour and I still can't get warm.

I never considered myself someone who had a problem with cold weather. Easy to say, I know, for someone who's lived in California his whole life, but I used to ski extensively and I've shoveled my share of snow. I've spent February in Minneapolis and one memorable New Year's in Chicago where, with the wind chill, it was -39 degrees. OK, in that case, there was a lot of alcohol involved, which no doubt helped.

It must be age. Now I know why my parents insist on keeping their home a balmy 85 degrees all year long. Something to look forward to as we prepare to spend Thanksgiving with them. For the first time since we moved here, the boyfriend managed to get Friday off, so we'll actually be able to get away from here for four days, our longest break.

And not a moment too soon. This town just wears you down.

Foggy Bako Town

The fog this week has been unreal. Like something out of a movie, or Underwear Night at Studio One.

It's one thing to walk the dogs in it; I'm pretty certain they're at the end of their leashes even if I can't see them. It's an entirely different thing to drive in it.

Leaving town Monday and Tuesday was a white knuckle experience. Visibility on the highway was about 100 feet at best. I thought I was pressing my luck driving 60, but the locals all blithely zip around you doing 90. I'm really surprised you don't hear of more fatalities in the fog.

On a clear day, returning to the valley can actually be kind of awe inspiring, like descending into a Thomas Hart Benton painting. Yesterday was not one of those days. Right around Fort Tejon the view ahead, down the Grapevine, ended abruptly in a wall of haze the color of wet newspaper.

They can call if "fog" (or "fogg") all they want. Where I come from fog is white.

Spelchek

It looks like we're in for another day of fogg.

Yes, "fogg".

That's how it was spelled on this morning's weather map.

F*****g Fog

Oh good.

The Tule fog is back.

The frigid, damp, soul-sucking Tule fog.

I'd actually forgotten about it.

Until this morning.

At least I think it was morning.

Hard to tell what time of day it is with... THE FOG.

The Princess And The Fog

Coming from Hollywood I know a thing or two about hype - I used to help manufacture it. So all the dire warnings about the coming "fog" were easy to dismiss as overblown. I'd lived at the beach, I'd experienced dense fog, it wasn't such a big deal.

WRONG

On the news it was described as "mild" and "patchy".

Holy Mother of Pearl. I opened the front door to take the dogs out and couldn't see past the doormat. The dogs ran out... and vanished. Thank god they were on leashes otherwise they'd be gone for good. I ventured out as far as the front lawn... I think. Hard to tell. It was like having cataracts. Only one street light was visible and it looked like a distant star. The dogs freaked out and came rushing back in. Did they do their business? Who knows.

And this was "mild"?!?! Yikes.

I'll give Bako this - they don't do their plagues half-assed here. The more Biblical, the better.

Dust storms? Ours are toxic, spore-laden killer dust storms!

Cockroaches? The size of a pack of cigarettes!

Houseflies? In swarms that will black out the sun!

And now we can add fog so thick it could swallow your will to live.